dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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