This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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