it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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