Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
