Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize