i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
