remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
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