Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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