There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
