Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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