one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize