I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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