Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
