I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
