Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize