and you said cock pushups were impossible
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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