I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I smell like Dick and happiness
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
