Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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