Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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