I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
It's just like the Real World with babies
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
