im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
