Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
