Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
