i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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