none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
