I seem to have left my pride at pride
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
