I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
