I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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