i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
