I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
3 2 1 whiskey
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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