I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
