i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
