I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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