I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
