I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize