The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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