I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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