i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
