apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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