Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
