Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
