I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
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