bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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