i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
