You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
