i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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