i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
