Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize