it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
