it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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