The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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