I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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