so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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