Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
