U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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