i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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