In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
