I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
