Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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