My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize