I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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