The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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