and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
