I'm really into asian looking animals
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
