you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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