I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
