so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
my penis made a compromise with my morals
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
