i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
