I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
