apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
