When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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