I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
