im having a threesome with these popsicles
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
