we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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