im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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