did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
