Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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