dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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