My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
