i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
