I'm really into asian looking animals
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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