Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize