Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
