God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
