This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
