all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
