we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
