I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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