You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
