Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
