I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
