drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
